Well, my life isn't too exciting, as you might have noticed. It is New Year's Eve, and I am at home with my family. My sister has parties to go to tonight, and technically I do too- they're just in different cities. I kind of got trapped at my parent's house after Christmas and I can't go back to my own apartment until Sunday at the earliest. I've been here for a full week now. Don't get me wrong, I love my family, but it's driving me a little nuts. It was nice to stay a few extra days in order to get together with a few friends who had also come back to town for the holidays, and one side of my family will be having the big Christmas get-together this Saturday (which will be painfully awkward for almost everyone involved, trust me-I'm not the only one who is not looking forward to this.) But my friends have now gone back to their own places, and I'm still waiting. I've already decided that I'm not going to stick around for this long again, possibly ever. I don't care that it would've taken an extra trip across the state to go back to my own place for a week, it would have been worth my sanity, not to mention my diet (which I gave up on after Christmas- just too damn hard to stay on anything in this house.)
Tonight is also proving how deaf the rest of my family is. I'm on a different floor. I can hear every word of the movie that they're watching. I think they were mad that I didn't want to watch it with them, so I have no choice but to listen to it.
Anyway, if I can focus enough, I'm going to attempt to write a few New Year's resolutions. Not my typical ones- I think I've had 'lose weight' as a resolution since I was eight. I am actually putting in a strong effort on that now, but I'm not going to make it a resolution- really it's just unfortunate timing that the bulk of the work on my weight is going to start just after the first of the year. #clichemonger. No, instead, I'm going to focus on things that will improve my life in positive and non-derogatory and boring ways. I know I need to get in shape, but let's face it, saying it that way in no way implies fun, it implies suffering.
Instead, I'm going to do this-
1. Dance. I could say more often, but that's rather vague, isn't it? I think I can shoot for every day. I'll look ridiculous, but hey, I live alone, so that's no problem. Fact is I like to dance, it makes me happy. I'm no good at it, and I prefer dances that require two people, but that's not a big deal. I'm actually thinking about trying to lear the dances from a couple of Lady Gaga videos. Because why the hell not?
2.Get out hiking more often. I think I can shoot for at least once a month, provided the weather is not completely insufferable. And by completely insufferable, I mean it's got to be actually dangerous for a human to be outdoors. As a side note, I'd really like to get out winter camping sometime before the snow melts for the spring.
3. Watch some movies. I'm notorious for not seeing movies, for a variety of reasons, but there are some good ones and classics that I need to see, including but not limited to Schindler's List, Gone With The Wind, Casablanca, and The Graduate.
4. Concentrate on making my art business more successful. I know that I can build it and make it a lot more profitable, but I tend to slack off. I know I can make a very good profit from it if I just treat it like it matters. And if I have enough of an income, I can-
5 Get a dog. This will be a very, very tough one to get by my parents, who really, REALLY do not want me to get a dog, and I am fairly dependent on them still (my health insurance is still through them, and they still give me a lot of financial support) But I feel strongly that if I can get the business going, pick up a part time gig that will also pay, and be in a situation to be able to care for one soon, possibly by this summer. I can work hard and hope.
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Thursday, December 3, 2009
First Things First
Hi peeps, welcome to my 'other' blog.
I have a lot that i want to say, about a lot of things. I can't really put them on my existing blog, because it's the one I send all of my potential customers to (I'm kind of an artist.) So yeah, I keep that one very professional and upbeat- which is not exactly the way I feel much of the time momentarily.
I'll be very honest, my life is only a few degrees short of officially being a hot mess right now. I'm unemployed, soon going back to graduate school. In spite of the fact that I've thought it through fairly well, I do kind of second guess myself on this decision- My first job folded because of the economy (no fault of my own- hell I'd been told by my boss multiple times that I was impressing the heck out of them, and I'd been set up for a promotion in a fraction of the time it usually took with the company.) I had a part time in retail for awhile, along with a fairly decent freelance income from my own artistic work, but I knew it was no long term deal. I kind of decided on grad school quickly and a little haphazardly- I guess I'd thought about it off and on for some time, but once it was actually said out loud, it went pretty quickly. That was a battle in and of itself- what to get the master's in, where to go to get it, etc. Anyway, I'm back where I did my undergrad, and in a lot of ways I feel like I'm re-doing things. There was a whole lot of fail in my undergrad- some of it out of my hands completely, some of it I should have caught and corrected myself. In any case, I learned what went wrong the first time, so now I just have to get down to making things work this time around. I'll finish school when I'm twenty eight- there's no second chance from there, I have to be employable and making it on my own with the ability to pay back my loans. I already kind of feel like a huge failure that I couldn't do that strait off of my undergrad like the majority of my class did. But to be honest, I'm a different sort of person than most of my class, I don't think I would be happy doing the same jobs that they picked up. I've got some ideas of what I'd like to do with my life- they're just very, very NOT set in stone, because I have a very bad track record as far as actually being able to fulfill any plans I make. Seriously, the second I start making actual plans for something, major parts of the equation suddenly fall the fuck apart and I'm left standing there thinking "well this sucks, what now?'
In other parts of the train wreck, I'm overweight-a lot. As in I basically have to lose a full third of my weight right about now. I've always had issues with my weight. I did manage to lose a lot once before, but unfortunatly that got to be a very unhealthy kind of weight loss and I eventually gained quite a bit back (which really, in retrospect, was not nearly as bad as I though it was- I was a teenager, everything was a goddam crisis at that time.) I did manage to maintain a fairly good weight for me for about 2-3 years, at the beginning of undergrad, but yeah...shit happened...it really was a continuation of everything going to hell at the same time. I'm standing up and trying to make a serious change now- joined Weight Watchers the other day- we'll see how this goes. Food is a huge safety blanket, time killer, all around deaden-er of the past that I've used as a crutch for some time, so it does feel strange to treat it more as a 'controlled substance' (I'm not saying it's a bad program, but as someone who self-medicates via food, having any kind of limit set to what and how much I can eat in a day takes a lot to get used to.)
Basically, I'm sitting here, realizing that I am a hellavah long way away from where I though I would be at this point in my life, and equally far away from where I'd like to be. There's a lot that I'll end up covering on this blog, mostly I just want to be honest and figure out where I'm going and how to get there. I'm a weird hodgepodge of things that shouldn't go well together- I'm basically a conservative hippie- yes I know that makes no sense in print, but if you know me, that actually is a pretty good description (summed up-I like small government and the free market, because it allows me to more freely pursue frolicking in nature, hugging trees, and then subsequently painting pictures of them that I can sell for money. It works :) )
Well, first post is out of the way. It all theoretically gets easier from here. It will, for sure, get more random. Pay attention, it's going to be an interesting ride.
I have a lot that i want to say, about a lot of things. I can't really put them on my existing blog, because it's the one I send all of my potential customers to (I'm kind of an artist.) So yeah, I keep that one very professional and upbeat- which is not exactly the way I feel much of the time momentarily.
I'll be very honest, my life is only a few degrees short of officially being a hot mess right now. I'm unemployed, soon going back to graduate school. In spite of the fact that I've thought it through fairly well, I do kind of second guess myself on this decision- My first job folded because of the economy (no fault of my own- hell I'd been told by my boss multiple times that I was impressing the heck out of them, and I'd been set up for a promotion in a fraction of the time it usually took with the company.) I had a part time in retail for awhile, along with a fairly decent freelance income from my own artistic work, but I knew it was no long term deal. I kind of decided on grad school quickly and a little haphazardly- I guess I'd thought about it off and on for some time, but once it was actually said out loud, it went pretty quickly. That was a battle in and of itself- what to get the master's in, where to go to get it, etc. Anyway, I'm back where I did my undergrad, and in a lot of ways I feel like I'm re-doing things. There was a whole lot of fail in my undergrad- some of it out of my hands completely, some of it I should have caught and corrected myself. In any case, I learned what went wrong the first time, so now I just have to get down to making things work this time around. I'll finish school when I'm twenty eight- there's no second chance from there, I have to be employable and making it on my own with the ability to pay back my loans. I already kind of feel like a huge failure that I couldn't do that strait off of my undergrad like the majority of my class did. But to be honest, I'm a different sort of person than most of my class, I don't think I would be happy doing the same jobs that they picked up. I've got some ideas of what I'd like to do with my life- they're just very, very NOT set in stone, because I have a very bad track record as far as actually being able to fulfill any plans I make. Seriously, the second I start making actual plans for something, major parts of the equation suddenly fall the fuck apart and I'm left standing there thinking "well this sucks, what now?'
In other parts of the train wreck, I'm overweight-a lot. As in I basically have to lose a full third of my weight right about now. I've always had issues with my weight. I did manage to lose a lot once before, but unfortunatly that got to be a very unhealthy kind of weight loss and I eventually gained quite a bit back (which really, in retrospect, was not nearly as bad as I though it was- I was a teenager, everything was a goddam crisis at that time.) I did manage to maintain a fairly good weight for me for about 2-3 years, at the beginning of undergrad, but yeah...shit happened...it really was a continuation of everything going to hell at the same time. I'm standing up and trying to make a serious change now- joined Weight Watchers the other day- we'll see how this goes. Food is a huge safety blanket, time killer, all around deaden-er of the past that I've used as a crutch for some time, so it does feel strange to treat it more as a 'controlled substance' (I'm not saying it's a bad program, but as someone who self-medicates via food, having any kind of limit set to what and how much I can eat in a day takes a lot to get used to.)
Basically, I'm sitting here, realizing that I am a hellavah long way away from where I though I would be at this point in my life, and equally far away from where I'd like to be. There's a lot that I'll end up covering on this blog, mostly I just want to be honest and figure out where I'm going and how to get there. I'm a weird hodgepodge of things that shouldn't go well together- I'm basically a conservative hippie- yes I know that makes no sense in print, but if you know me, that actually is a pretty good description (summed up-I like small government and the free market, because it allows me to more freely pursue frolicking in nature, hugging trees, and then subsequently painting pictures of them that I can sell for money. It works :) )
Well, first post is out of the way. It all theoretically gets easier from here. It will, for sure, get more random. Pay attention, it's going to be an interesting ride.
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